WHAT MAKES YOU GENUINELY HAPPY TO THE POINT WHERE YOU ARE ALMOST AUDIBLY SOYFACING? IS IT NORMAL THINGS LIKE WHEN YOUR WIFE TELLS YOU SHE'S PREGNANT OR THE FIRST TIME YOUR CHILD SAYS, "I LOVE YOU"? OR IS IT SIMPLER THINGS LIKE WHEN ROBERT DOWNEY JR. IS ANNOUNCED AS A NEW CHARACTER IN THE MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE AND HE'S POTENTIALLY STANDING TO MAKE ANOTHER $100 MILLION? IF IT'S THE LATTER, THEN CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE A WEIRD BETA MALE SOYJACK NPC.

THE WEIRD PART IS CALLING NORMIE-LOVING PATRIOTIC AMERICANS WEIRD, BUT TO BE FAIR, OUR WHOLE COUNTRY/CULTURE IS WEIRD.

THE MEMORY-HOLE OF TRUMP'S ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT CONTINUES

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SONG: Boy Harsher - Country Girl

INTRO/OUTTRO CLIP: HEAVY METAL / THE FIFTH ELEMENT

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